Pokeumans Meme of SHADOW SMASH!

1. Welcome to the official dimension of interviews, Pokéuman chi—wait a second…you're an adult? But I thought most Pokéumans were teenagers—ANYWAY. First question: What is your name?

Yo! First off, I know you're a computer sitting behind these seemingly blank white walls, programmed to record down all our responses for a great big database of information for all of our fans. But that's okay, I'm more than happy to help out. I'm Darren, and I'm 23 years old. I can see why you're confused, but don't worry. I transformed when I was 17.

2. What Pokémon are you (because I am, as you say, a computer program, and therefore cannot see what you are right now), and do you like being the Pokémon you transformed into?

I'm a Golurk, and though I never had any favorite Pokémon in particular (I mean, come on, this guy didn't even EXIST when I started transforming six years ago), I find this guy to be really sweet. It's like piloting a mecha, except I AM the mecha, and I can fly pretty much wherever I want. Even into the deep ocean floor! The things you find down there are just wacko.

3. Good. Now that we know each other better, do you like your new life? Is it fun, boring, crazy, or all of the above? Please explain.

When I was a human, I was pushed around a lot because having the mind of a super-genius + being so skinny that I sucked at sports = not good. But now, it's awesome! Okay, so maybe there was a…certain incident…but other than that, it's been crazy and a lot of fun.

4. Being a Pokéuman, of course, means that you have turned into a Pokémon and now have to live a hidden life, and you can't see the ones you loved anymore. How does that make you feel?

I really didn't mind too much, as I was preparing to go off for college anyway, but at the same time, I was a bit disappointed that I'd never actually GO to college. But considering the scientific advances I've made and how much I rule in battle, I don't think I ever want to go back.

5. Oh dear. I'm bringing up tears now, aren't I? Anyway, what do you think would happen if your family saw how you are now?

Tears? OBVIOUSLY, that was a pre-programmed question. As for my family…I dunno. I think my mom would still believe that I'd be in this huge hunk of metal somewhere (and she'd be right), but my dad would think I was gone for good. I don't know! I didn't exactly get to talk with them a lot. Oh, and I don't have any brothers or sisters, either.

6. I'm beginning to tear up myself...let's lighten the mood shall we? What do you think of the PRT? A lot of rumors are going around about them, so what do you think of them?

Ah, I can do you one better. I AM in the PRT. It's a fun way to distract me from the fact that I'm pretty much an immortal robot who'll likely still be living by the time a lot of my friends die, plus, I get to help achieve my dream to make a difference in the world. Then again, I'm sure that I'll invent something that'll help me die a painless death when I feel I'm ready, so little Amy won't have to be alone or anything. As for rumors, well…I have no idea what you're talking about. Or, as you might put it, it "doesn't compute."

7. If you could would you turn back into a human or would you like to stay the way you are? Think carefully.

Are you kidding me? I'd stay the way I am without a second thought! Why would I want to go back to being smashed by jocks when I could be doing the smashing?

8. The questions are gonna get serious. Do you think that humans will go power hungry on us like they did before, or do you think they will accept us with open arms?

Ah, I'm not so sure. Honestly, while humanity has gotten better over time, there will always be psychos and murderers. Since humans are both the noblest AND the most savage creatures on Earth, I'd say it's a 50% probability for either course of action, honestly. But you can bet I'll be doing everything I can to make sure that 50% is in our favor.

9. Let's take a trip into the past. What would you do and think if you transformed during the great war?

Duh. I'd be fighting for our side. In fact, I'd be so unstoppable that the humans would HAVE to bow down to us. What I wonder is why in the world the Golurks of the past—in fact, the LEGENDARIES—couldn't handle a bunch of freaking primitive humans with sticks and stuff. Did they have a superweapon no one's telling us about? A wacko contraption like that Humanizing Ray Gun? Until someone tells me the answer, I honestly think that there are WAY too many discrepancies in that story, and whoever wrote it is trying to pull a fast one over our heads. I want to speak with this guy.

10. Now to the future. There are monstrous Pokémon everywhere! They're known as the "Dark Corruption", and if you were to ever be defeated by these zombies, you'd become one yourself! You are all alone and you only have yourself to look after. What would you do and think?  Would you destroy the growing masses of the monstrous Pokéumans? And how?

Hmm, let's see…an invincible giant flying robot ghost versus a horde of zombies. I wonder who will win? ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? YOU'RE TALKING TO THE GUY WHO PLAYED DEAD SPACE 2 FOR TWO WEEKS STAIGHT! I'D SMASH 'EM ALL!

11. Let's bring it on home to the present. What is the most amazing thing you have ever seen since you started your new life?

The way that Amy kid, whom I personally rescued, went from being this itty-bitty-tiny-little puffball girl, to this SUPER AWESOME KICK-BUTT PRT HONORARY ELITE! Proof that if you give someone a chance, absolutely anything can happen. 'Nuff said.

12. This meme is ending, and the portal to take you back to Earth is opening, so there's not much time. Tag someone with one of your moves, quick!

***combines Fly, Bulldoze, Earthquake, AND Shadow Punch and aims right for the Long Island Pokéumans base***

SHADOW SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!

***KA-BLOOIE!***

(Everyone at the Long Island Pokéumans Base, if you felt the impact from his attack as he smashed back in, you're tagged. )